Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Missing Grandma

Grandma Johnson passed away 6/23/2007 and I was able to see her last breath. For me, seeing her last breath will be one of the best things I ever get to do in my life, if that makes sense. I was honored to be there.

I was able to pass the summer by convincing myself that it had just been a long time between visits to Vermont to see Gram. But now as the fall is setting in, I'm finding I really, really miss Grammy. And though I am excited for my brother's family as my brother renovates Gram place so they can move in, it is very sad to think that on my next visit I will find that Gram's house will have many major changes.

Gram almost made it to her 95th birthday, and in my lifetime, she didn't make a lot of changes to her place. I can probably count the few changes she made on one hand: kitchen wallpaper, a newer TV, repainted the downstairs bathroom a pretty blue, and bought a microwave. So it is going to be hard to see all of the new paint, see the old stove replaced with a modern (safe) one, see the upstairs bedrooms repainted modern colors and the 60's wallpaper gone, and to find that a dishwasher has finally been installed in the kitchen.


Jacinda said...

I am sure it will be very hard to see the home changed....try to remember the times you had with your Grammy in the old house - and think how happy she would be to know that your brother and his family would be living in her home...keeping the spirit alive!

alym said...

That must be so difficult, but I'm glad that her home stayed in the family.

yarnophiliac said...

My nana's old home is now owned by a distant cousin and he has done so much to it that it is hardly the house I visited every Sunday when I was a child, but we have the benefit of my nana still being with us. She is in a nursing home, and couldn't be happier that not only is the house home to a young family, and one of her relatives, but she is thrilled it is being cared for. I'm sure your Grammy would feel the same. It is most sad when a home is left disrespected and in ill-repair. Hope you can find comfort in that!

Kristie said...

It is such an honor to be present when someone passes on. I relate completely to your feelings as I was present when my Papa Tom passed away. I always find that the first year after someone leaves us we are often reminded of their absense each time a special event or holiday comes along. It always makes me stop and appreciate the day in a different way as I mourn the absence of my loved one.
I'm sure you will soon rejoice with Danny as you visit your Grammy's house with a different look. My brother and his family also occupy my Grammy's house and they have done a nice job renovating. The spirit of Grammy (the old wood stove, kitchen smells, the old sewing machine in the spare room) lives fondly in my memory.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Karen Rix said...

Sarah, my heart goes out to you as you move through this first year without your Gram. I was heartbroken to lose my Grammy and am lucky enough to have the opportunity to live in her home with my daughter. I was at my Gram's house every day as a child and I can almost see my Gram smile as a new generation of children from our family play basketball in the yard and have impromptu visits in the kitchen.

About losing a loved one ... after losing my Dad (two years this past Sept), I still find that little things remind me of him. We remember him also at the major holidays of course, but I'm prepared for that. The little things are what get me right in the heart. Seeing a Jeep go by and remembering my Dad's old Scout, catching a glimpse someone walking the same way, etc.

I wouldn't say that it's gotten any easier, but I have definitely gotten better at living with the memories and taking comfort in them.

Remember that your friends love you very much and are here for you any time you need to talk, cry, laugh, scream .... well, you get the picture. :-)